My neck

Is really aching and hurting.

 

5.13.2016 – I still suffer greatly from neck pain.

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Been a long time

I dont know where I’ve been.

all I know is that I’ve been dying to get out.

I can’t write too much because …I have to start over.

I know now that I have many selves of myself inside me. These “selves” know certain things about many other things not all the other selves know

Beat down

Well it happens from time to time. Going to blows with the Narc. Ended up with the whole left side of my face four different colors, my right arm fucked. This story goes back (of course), but being provoked mentally and emotionally past the breaking point. I had a warrant for FTA (bc I was in a DV shelter in a faraway place), I called the police when he wouldn’t stop harassing me. They arrested ME. He wasn’t even charged with anything. I spent 3 weeks in jail. It was clearly obvious I was just in an altercation. But he walked right by them and that was that. I have to think of a new SOMETHING!!!

 

 

5.13.16 – i’m free. my right arm is still fucked up.

OMFG!

He totally tried to act like nothing even has happened in the past few weeks. He called me “honey” and actually started “checking in” via text and shit. I’m like “dude – wtf are you on???? cuz i don’t know where you been bro but i been right here watching you act crazy and NOW LOOK AT YOU!” mf is on a roll!!!!

so today though he changed it back up – hahaha

 

LOSER

Today is our Eighth Wedding Anniversary

I have mixed feelings about it. I know being sad isn’t really wise. I think I feel sadness for the loss of myself and the years, time wasted. Not really the loss over the actual relationship. We are still cohabiting together but he plans on moving out in 2 weeks. Which I just gotta play it cool until then. He’s obviously found an acceptable replacement who is golden right now and believes all his bullshit and is ready to relinquish control over me. So today is a weird day nonetheless. I believe I might go pawn his wedding band today actually. 

Psycho Unit Roller Coaster

This is where it usually starts to go from Dr.Jekyl to Mr.Hyde at literally any given moment. I’m not exaggerating. And I know it is all contingent usually on whether he gets a text or something from one or many of his harem. I know for a fact right now, (phone records), he’s got around 4 circling.

he leaves the house now without saying where he’s going or for how long. won’t say if he’s going to be late coming home from work. Not that I really need him to check in or that I care but I think it’s comical that it’s all of a sudden – no kidding – only a few days, and it’s “Nikki deserves no respect now”

unreal. I shake my head.

Recovery and The Phoenix Process

There is an increasing number of Sociopaths Next Door.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

The_phoenix_rises

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

There seems to be a dramatic increase in the number of people suffering at the hands of Narcissistic abuse.  The partners they loved abused them and killed their spirit; they don’t know how or where to start over.  They keep repeating the same patterns throughout their lives and don’t know how to escape the cycle.  Subsequently, they fall into a state of despair and depression, losing hope in the future and the idea of ever finding real love.

These states of tumult may be the most powerful catalyst of awakening, in the sense that the events they give rise to are usually transformative.  Many have found enlightenment after intense periods of emotional suffering.

The Alchemy of Spiritual Enlightenment

Let’s consider the concept of attachment.  As human beings we are mentally attached to notions, such…

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After the Discard: The Other Woman

This is EXACTLY what is happening right now. Or close to it. Except I’m not a crawling heap of a mess on the floor. lol

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Snake Cake North Star Cakes

Being discarded by a Narcissist is one of the most painful experiences victims endure…well, after the heart-wrenching devalue phase.  It’s like icing on an insidious, poisonous cake for which only Narcissists hold the recipe.

The Discard

After being discarded, you believe it’s your fault.  You obsess over whether you could have done things differently.  You languish over your abuser, brooding over whether there’s a chance to win him back and prove your worth.

That’s precisely what he wants.

You see, while he was preening the new supply behind your back, he was busy telling you (and everyone within a 50-mile radius) everything that’s wrong with you and your place in the demise of the relationship.  He wants you to believe you are the one who drove him into the arms of another woman.  And that’s what victims believe.  Every time.

Narcissists need you to think the problems…

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